RELATIONSHIPS IN CHRIST

1. HUSBAND AND WIFE (Ephesians 5:18b, 21-33) 

     A. A General Command (Ephesians 5:18b, 21) 

     B. Words to Wives (Ephesians 5:22-24) 

     C. Husbands, Christ, and Christ’s Body (Ephesians 5:25-33) 

2. CHILDREN AND PARENTS (Ephesians 6:1-4) 

     A. Honor and Obedience (Ephesians 6:1-3) 

     B. Training and Instructions (Ephesians 6:4) 

3. EMPLOYEES AND EMPLOYERS (Ephesians 6:5-9) 

     A. Christ-Pleasing Work Ethic (Ephesians 6:5-8) 

     B. Christ-Honoring Leadership (Ephesians 6:9) 

Central Truth: Living for Christ has a powerful, positive impact on human relationships. 

Focus: Assess our earthly relationships and conform them to Christ’s will. 

Evangelism Emphasis: Christians should influence unbelievers to accept Christ. 

Golden Text: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). 

INTRODUCTION 

Christians need each other. That is the way God made us. In his book The Radical Disciple, John Stott wrote: 

We are all designed to be a burden to others. You are designed to be a burden to me and I am designed to be a burden to you. And the life of the family, including the life of the local church family, should be one of “mutual burdensomeness.” “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2 NIV). 

Today’s lesson begins with a focus on the relationship between husband and wife. Ephesians 5:33 summarizes the marital burden each partner must carry: “So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband” (CEV). 

In the next relationship Paul addresses (6:1-4), parents carry the burden of bringing up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord without frustrating them. Children have the burden of honoring and obeying their parents. 

In verses 5-9, slaves/servants/employees carry the burden of willingly working hard. God-fearing masters/employers have the responsibility of treating workers with respect and fairness. Such burden-bearing is possible through the Spirit of Christ, who said, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:30). 

1. HUSBAND AND WIFE 

A. A General Command (Ephesians 5:18b, 21) 

18b But be filled with the Spirit. 

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 

In an age of individualism, submission is not a well-received word. Yet, one of the far-reaching commands given by Paul is the need to submit to one another. The whole structure of society as ordered by God depends on the readiness of its members to recognize the importance of submission and practice it. Such submission begins yielding ourselves to God. We empty ourselves before Him so we can be “filled with the Spirit” (v. 18b). 

The word submit (hypotasso) occurs twenty-three times in Paul’s writings. It means to “line oneself up under.” Originally, it was used in a military sense of soldiers submitting to their superiors, or slaves submitting to their masters. The word conveys the idea of giving up one’s own right or will; that is, to subordinate oneself to those considered worthy of respect, either because of their inherent qualities or the position they hold. 

Within the fellowship of the church, this submission to others is reciprocal. No one is to coerce another, for all voluntarily accept the discipline. Hence, any suggestions of superiority are banished. Beginning in verse 22, Paul shifts to three specific social relationships and exhorts his readers to practice submission as an important aspect of Christianity. Paul focuses on relationships with spouses, children, and masters (or, more appropriately today, employers). 

• What does “the fear of God” have to do with Christians submitting to each other? 

B. Words to Wives (Ephesians 5:22-24) 

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 

Paul urges wives to submit to their own husbands “as unto the Lord” (v. 22). Two things are to be noted. First, Paul’s exhortation is within the context of a Christian marriage. He does not suggest women are inferior to men or that all women should be subject to all men. Second, the submission is voluntary, not forced. The Christian wife who submits does so because her vow is “as unto the Lord.” Submission must never be confused with subjugation or subordination. 

To strengthen his argument, Paul sets out the relationship between the husband and wife as being a reflection of the relationship between Christ and His church—Christ is the head of the Church as the husband is the head of the wife. The analogy raises marriage to a lofty level, something that we need to be reminded of today. Paul’s primary concern was not to specify or go into details of what he meant by headship. Rather, the main issue here is that of “submission.” 

The School of Marriage 

Marriage is never finished. The lesson is never learned. The effort is never at an end. Marriage, like life, is a matter of solving the little things. . . . It is a matter of surrendering small, personal preferences.—Randolph Ray 

C. Husbands, Christ, and Christ’s Body (Ephesians 5:25-33) 

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. 

In Greco-Roman society, while it was recognized and accepted that wives had obligations to their husbands, there was none for the husband. In this, as in other areas, Christianity introduced a revolutionary approach to marriage that equalized the rights of wives and husbands, and established the institution on a firmer foundation than ever before. Although in context the word submit sums up the role of the wife (v. 22), and the word love (v. 25) does the same for the husband, the words are not to be understood as mutually exclusive; that is, as if one operates or exists without the other. 

In verse 25, Paul continues with his comparison between the marriage relationship and the relationship of Christ and the Church. Christ gave Himself up for His bride on the cross. The analogy is apt, since ekklesia (church) is feminine. The Lord’s sacrificial death was “to make her holy” and “to present her to himself as a radiant church” (vv. 26-27 NIV). To “sanctify” is not only to set apart, but also to make ethically holy. Christ’s ultimate aim in giving Himself up for the Church was that at the end of the age He might be able to present her to Himself in unsullied splendor “as a bride adorned for her husband” (Rev. 21:2). 

Christ loves the Church, not simply as if it were His body, but because it is His body. Husbands, therefore, are to “love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:28). So intimate is the relationship between man and wife that they are fused into a single entity. For a man to love his wife is to love himself. She is not to be treated as a piece of property, as was the custom in Paul’s day. The wife is to be regarded as an extension of a husband’s own personality and, so, part of himself. This is how Christ loves His body, the Church (v. 25). He cares for the Church because Christians are living parts of His body. 

In verse 31, Paul introduces Genesis 2:24 to substantiate his argument from Scripture. The marriage tie takes precedence over every other human relationship and, for this reason, is to be regarded as inviolable. This divine ordinance is graciously designed for mutual satisfaction and delight. The word joined (literally, “will be glued”) used in combination with one flesh, refers to sexual interaction, which is sanctioned by God within the marital context. It is because of this lofty view of marital relations that the Church has taken its stand against premarital sex, polygamy, and adultery. 

Paul concludes the section on a practical note. He addresses every husband individually (literally, “you each, one by one”). Every husband is to go on loving his wife as his very self. The wife, for her part, is to give her husband the respect that is due him in the Lord. As verse 21 has made plain, such respect is conditioned by and expressive of reverence for Christ. It also assumes the husband will so love his wife as to be worthy of such deference. 

2. CHILDREN AND PARENTS  

A. Honor and Obedience (Ephesians 6:1-3) 

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; 3. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

The word obey (Greek, hupakouo) has in its background the idea of “listening” or “attending to”; hence, obeying. It is a picture of a person submitting to the voice of authority. The phrase “in the Lord” defines the sphere of obedience and makes possible exception for children whose parents are not Christians and who sometimes are given commands that are in direct contradiction to God’s words. Paul gives the reason why children are to obey their parents. It is right, and therefore it pleases the Lord (Col. 3:20). It is a sign of the last days when children no longer do this (2 Tim. 3:2). 

Not only are children to obey their parents; they are also to honor them. This means a great deal more than mere obedience. A dog or other beast may obey its master, but it does not have the emotional or spiritual capability of rendering honor. To honor means “to show reverential respect.” Honoring transcends obeying and implies mental, and perhaps emotional, willingness to do so. 

This was one of the Ten Commandments: “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Deut. 5:16). The promise concerned the Jews in their homeland. By keeping this commandment, they were assured a long life in the land. However, Paul, in writing to the Gentiles in Ephesus, seemed to extend the promise here to include a person’s life-span. A longer life is a reward for parental honor and obedience. 

• Can children obey their parents without honoring them? Can they honor their parents without obeying them? 

B. Training and Instructions (Ephesians 6:4) 

4. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

Paul turns his attention to parents. In the Roman world, parents, particularly fathers, had absolute power over their children. But Paul places heavy responsibility on the parents. They must avoid exasperating their children by placing unnecessary or unreasonable demands on them. They must not arouse the bad passions of their children by severity, partiality, injustice, or inconsistency in their own lives. 

It is the responsibility of the parents, particularly the father, to provide spiritual nourishment and direction to the household. It is not enough for a father to feed and clothe his children, but he is to be the high priest in his own home. The spiritual environment, the spiritual emphasis, the spiritual watchfulness, and the spiritual instruction are all the parents’ responsibility. 

The Right Home 

The only way to provide the right home for your children is to put the Lord above them, and fully instruct them in the ways of the Lord. You are responsible before God for the home you provide for them.—Billy Graham 

3. EMPLOYEES AND EMPLOYERS 

A. Christ-Pleasing Work Ethic (Ephesians 6:5-8) 

5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; 6 Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; 7 With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: 8 Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. 

Paul turns to one of the most serious social situations of his time. Paul lived in a world filled with slavery. His injunction is neither a tacit approval of slavery nor a condemnation of the institution. It is based on the matter-of-fact recognition of the reality of the society in which Paul and the Christian communities lived. Paul tells his readers that slaves were to obey their earthly masters. He uses the same word meaning “obey” that he used for children in verse 1. The obedience of the slave was to be expressed in three specific attitudes: deep respect, fear, and service with sincerity. 

Paul’s exhortation gives us insight into how we should work for our employers and how our employers should treat their workers. As Christian workers, we have a twofold responsibility as we obediently carry out our employer’s expectations. First, we must work well at all times, regardless of whether we are being observed or not. Second, our service should be done wholeheartedly, as if serving the Lord. This may or may not result in promotion here on earth, but it will surely result in a reward from God. 

Sacred Significance 

When man loses the sacred significance of work and of himself as worker, he soon loses the sacred meaning of time and of life.—Carl F. H. Henry 

B. Christ-Honoring Leadership (Ephesians 6:9) 

9 And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him. 

Paul urges masters to treat their slaves in the same way they are commanded to work. He calls for reciprocity. The master is to treat his slaves as though he were serving the Lord. Slaves are not to be threatened. The Christian master must remember that God is both their Master and the Master of their slaves, and there is no partiality or favoritism with God. 

In a day when productivity is valued above humanity, employers need to hear Paul speaking. No person is of such insignificance that he or she should be sacrificed by poor conditions, unfair practices, and low wages. The way employers treat their workers should exemplify love for Christ. 

• What does God expect from Christian bosses? 

SPIRIT-EMPOWERED RELATIONSHIPS 

Today’s lesson began with the command, “Be filled with the Spirit.” But we did not discuss the first part of that command, which warns, “Don’t destroy yourself by getting drunk” (Ephesians 5:18 CEV). 

Regarding the types of relationships we have studied today—husbands with wives, parents with children, and employers with employees—how many have been destroyed by drunkenness? Jobs have been lost; marriages have been ruined; children have been neglected and abused. 

Thankfully, this scripture declares how we can be the spouses, parents, children, workers, and employers we should be—by being filled with the Holy Spirit. He can give us the power, guidance, and understanding we need to help us honor Christ in all our relationships. 

Daily Devotions  

M.  God Establishes Marriage (Genesis 2:18-25) 

T.  Children Should Obey Their Parents (Proverbs 1:10-19) 

W.  Disciplined Children Bring Honor (Proverbs 29:15-18) 

T.  Jesus Submits to the Father (Matthew 26:36-44) 

F.  Honor Others Above Yourself (Philippians 2:1-8) 

S.  Submission Within a Household (Colossians 3:18-21) 

Adopted from the Evangelical Sunday School Lesson Commentary 2021-2022.